Uncommon Freedom

Always Rowing Upstream: The Key To An Extraordinary Life

• Kevin Tinter

Share episode

This week, Kevin shares a powerful message delivered at a men's gathering, focusing on the concept of "always rowing upstream" – the first of three habits that make up the trinity of uncommon freedom. Drawing from his book, "The Seven Disciplines of Uncommon Freedom," Kevin explores:

  • The "Wheel of Life" and the importance of balance in different life areas
  • The choice between going downstream (the easy path) and rowing upstream (the path to growth)
  • Personal anecdotes, including a cautionary tale about his beloved Corvette
  • Biblical wisdom on perseverance and fighting the good fight of faith
  • The crucial role of community in maintaining an upstream journey

Kevin offers practical insights on how to thrive in every area of life, from physical health and finances to relationships and spirituality. He challenges listeners to shift their perspective from avoiding disaster to pursuing the abundant life God intends for them and their families.

Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by life's demands or seeking to reach your full potential, this episode provides valuable guidance on achieving uncommon freedom through intentional living and the power of community.


Subscribe and tell a friend!

Get my book "The Seven Disciplines of Uncommon Freedom" on Amazon!

Visit bekandkev.com today to sign up for our email newsletter.

Access our Free health assessment HERE

Speaker 1:

Hey friends, coming up on today's episode is a message that I delivered at a men's gathering at Compassion Church in Gilbert, arizona, recently, and it was on the topic of always rowing upstream. And for those of you who don't know, the concept of always running upstream is the first of the three habits that makes up the trinity of uncommon freedom, which you will learn more about in my book, the Seven Disciplines of Uncommon Freedom, which is available on Amazon and Audible. So if you like what you hear, you can read all about it and really learn how to apply the three habits and seven disciplines to help you achieve uncommon freedom in your life. Enjoy All right. Good evening, gentlemen. How you doing. It's really an honor to be here with all of you, and my goal is to really inspire all of us, myself included, to just really become a better version of ourselves that God really calls us to be after this evening. How many of you have ever made a decision that you later regretted? Am I alone in this? Raise your hands.

Speaker 1:

Okay, it kind of reminds me of the story of the kindergarten teacher who it was teacher appreciation day and she had a bunch of wonderful pupils and they all, or many of them, brought in some gifts. So first was the florist's son. She grabbed the box, she picked it up overhead, shook it a little bit. She was like let me guess flowers. He's like yeah, how'd you know? She's like, ah, just a lucky guess. So the next gift came from the candy store owner's son, daughter and the teacher grabs the candy store owner's son, daughter. And the teacher grabs the candy store daughter's box same thing, lifts it up, shakes it. It's like let me guess box of chocolates. And the girl's like how did you know? It's like just a lucky guess. So, like many teachers who like to relax with a glass or bottle of wine in the evening, the next gift came from the liquor store owner's son. So she holds the box up over her head and she noticed a little drop of something. So she takes her finger. She's like let me guess white wine. He's like no, white wine. He's like no. She holds it up again, takes another little taste Champagne. No, it's a puppy. So what we're going to talk about is a decision that we all have to make in life, and that decision is to either go upstream or downstream.

Speaker 1:

How many of you are familiar with the concept of the wheel of life? I've got a slide to show you what this is. Have any of you ever seen this before or heard of it? So this concept was developed, or the main person that I've heard talk about this is Stephen Covey. He's a personal development guru. He wrote the book the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It's a phenomenal book. It's an oldie but it's definitely a goodie.

Speaker 1:

And the concept of the Wheel of Life is that there's about seven or eight different spokes. There's a lot of different versions of this if you search the internet and Stephen Covey's versions are career, personal, physical, family, mental, financial, spiritual. If you search the internet, you're going to find different versions of this. They're going to use different terms, but essentially they all cover pretty much all the different areas of our life that truly exist, and the concept of the importance and the value of this is in this graphic. You can see that when you're deficient, you're a one and when you're thriving, you're a 10. Okay, and the reality is that most people they're probably thriving in one or two areas and most people are also probably deficient in one or two areas. So they're in the seven or eight, nine, 10 in a couple of these spokes and they're also a one, two or three in a couple of these spokes, and maybe they're just kind of mediocre on some of the other ones. But as men, we all understand that it's important to have a round tire without a flat spot, right? So if you have a 10 and then you have a one, you've got a flat spot and that's going to create a very bumpy ride. And it's a great analogy for life that we have these different areas of our life and what we really want to do is be as even as possible right, and what we really want to do is be as even as possible right.

Speaker 1:

Imagine the sports star who he's in great physical shape, he's got millions of dollars, but his family life is falling apart. You know, he's cheating on his wife. She's divorced, divorcing him and taking half of what they have and his life is falling apart. That's an example of a life that's out of balance, and there's very few people in life in my experience that are not only well balanced but also thriving. They're balanced in their eights, nines and tens in virtually every area. So what does this look like physically? It looks like great physical health, right. You've got plenty of energy to do all that the Lord has truly called you to do. This is an amazing statistic, but 90% of the things that kill Americans are preventable. They're lifestyle related, they're diet related and they're habit related're diet related and they're habit related? Right, we truly are killing ourselves. Here's another interesting statistic or fact about the physical component is that it is human nature there's tons of research on this that when you are in good physical condition, you automatically have more credibility. So imagine Pastor Myron 200 pounds heavier. The reality is every single one of us is actually he's going to have less credibility with every single one of us if he's 200 pounds heavier. Instead, he's actually looks like he treats his body like a temple of the Holy Spirit, and that gives him additional credibility.

Speaker 1:

And I used to struggle in this area of my life, and I'm not trying to shame anyone who does struggle, but can you think of anything that God calls us to do where being healthy doesn't help us to do it better than if we're not healthy? I can't. The only thing I can is sumo wrestling. So, and if you're in training for sumo wrestling, pack on the pounds. Other than that, we really have no excuse.

Speaker 1:

When it comes to finances, it could look like financial security, and I know we're supposed to trust God, but one of the things that really sticks out to me about the journey of the Israelites through the desert is that he said I'm going to take you to the promised land, but they still had to do the work to walk to get there and they experienced some trials along the way. So I think that, yes, god wants to give us security, but a lot of times we're wasting the money that we have going into credit card debt, buying things that we don't need to impress people. This is someone was just talking about this right Buying things we don't need to impress people that don't care. It just doesn't make sense. When it comes to marriage, it looks like having an amazing marriage with a wife who not only loves you but actually likes you, and maybe, if you love her enough, she won't keep her hands off. You All right.

Speaker 1:

As a parent, thriving being in this eight, nine, 10 sphere is having a loving relationship with your kids and maybe even when you're, when they're adults, you actually have a strong friendship with them. Uh, I'm not the type of guy who tries to be my kid's best friend. I got two of them sitting right there. They'll agree I'm not their best friend most of the time. Right now, I don't think that's my job, but my prayer is that I have the type of relationship with them that, as they reach adulthood, that we truly can become great friends. And then, spiritually, it looks like having a deep relationship with Jesus where you're living in his grace and power and honestly seeing miracles happen in your life and you can also sense his spirit and hear his spirit when he talks to you.

Speaker 1:

So what I've learned is that, among other things, in order to thrive in every area of life, among other things, in order to thrive in every area of life, you always have to row upstream. This is a concept that my kids get tired of hearing me talk about. It's a phrase that I use almost every single day, and the clients that I coach and mentor and the coaches that I work with I talk about rowing upstream. And this is the thing is we have two choices in life stream. And this is the thing is we have two choices in life. We can either go downstream or we can intentionally row upstream. It takes discipline and a conscious effort to row upstream. All right, it's easy to go downstream right, downstream, right. We have the salt river here. I've never been tubing in the salt river. I've done canoeing in some other places, I've done tubing in other places. It takes no effort, right, you drop in upstream and the current takes you downstream.

Speaker 1:

Now there's some people. They're out there and they're paddling really hard so you can go downstream more quickly than others. But most people are not intentionally going downstream, but the reality is because they're not intentionally going upstream, they're by default going downstream. And then there's others. These are the people who are reckless with their health. Maybe their doctor said you need to lose 100 pounds and stop smoking and stop drinking, or you're going to have a heart attack. And they continue to do those things. Maybe it's the guy who's dealing with some type of sexual addiction. He's cheating on his wife. Maybe he deals with anger and he's not treating his wife properly. He's beating his kids. Those are people who are intentionally paddling downstream and it's easy to look at them and say, oh, look at them. But the reality is many of us are going downstream because we're not going upstream.

Speaker 1:

Now, when you're consistently disciplined in all of these different areas that are on the wheel of life, over time you end up with the blessings of having a close relationship with the Lord, jesus Christ, you can have a healthy and satisfying marriage and, generally speaking, you're going to have good relationship with your kids. The one thing I always like to put as a footnote when it comes to parenting is that there are some amazing parents who end up with some really rotten kids. You look at Adam, or God. He created Adam and Eve, put them in the Garden of Eden and the second generation committed murder. Right, the first generation had everything they needed, needed and they committed the first sin. So it's important for us to give ourselves grace and others grace when things don't go well, but as a general rule, if we're following these principles, we're going to have a good relationship with our kids, maybe even financial abundance, and when I say financial abundance, it's easy. We have a different perspective in America than the rest of the world does, and I'm not talking about all of us being rich, but I'm saying in America, there's really no excuse for us to not have our needs met, there's really no excuse for us to not be tithing at least 10%, and there's really no excuse for us to not be saving towards retirement so that we're not dependent on the government. And this is one of the most important things, ultimately, is having a life that is full of purpose and meaning, ultimately fulfilling God's will for our life. So from my experience I've learned something that the fruit of regret is bitter, but the fruit of discipline is sweet. Now I'm going to share an example of you, of what happens when you lack discipline and how that leads to massive regret.

Speaker 1:

I was just discussing the story with a couple of my friends who are here tonight. I was born in 1977. I was about three years old when I saw my first Corvette and I have been madly in love with Corvettes ever since then. I don't own any New Balance tennis shoes, so none of those jokes, guys. All right, I don't have any jean shorts, but I do love Corvettes, all right. So this was my first car, my first Corvette. Bought it in 19 or 19. I was born in 1977. I bought this in 2015. So I fell in love with the late 70s, early 80s model of Corvette. It's not a classic car, it's not a collector's item. So when my wife finally relented and said okay, go ahead, get your dream car, it was $8,500. It didn't look like this, but I got started for $8,500. Over time made some improvements to the engine, the exhaust, got this custom paint job done shortly after moving to Arizona and it was pretty much my dream car. It was a looker Fast forward to August of 2021.

Speaker 1:

I'd been having some issues with the car starting, so I had a handyman who would help me out about once a month do his projects around the house, who also happened to be a gearhead. And this car was a four-speed manual transmission. So if you know anything about a manual transmission, you can always push start the car. So my plan was I'd spent the whole week trying to start the car wouldn't start, wouldn't start, and so I was like, well, when my handyman comes over, we'll push start the car, drive it to the mechanic and let them figure out what's going on. So it made sense when we decided let's go take a look at the car, grab the keys, like I'm going to see if it'll start for me, and I'm like I've been trying all week. There's no way it's going to start for you, but it's just kind of like that ache and pain that you have that disappears when you go to the doctor, kind of the same thing happened.

Speaker 1:

So my handyman sits into the driver's seat, he puts his right foot on the clutch. How many of you have driven a manual transmission, right? So already there's some wet red flags going off for you, right? He puts his right foot on the clutch. He has his left foot hanging out. The driver's side door is open and this would have been okay if he had just taken the car out of gear. He starts the car, everything's good. The problem is he popped the clutch. I believe the car was. I still don't know for sure, but this is the only thing that makes sense. The car was still in first gear, the car oiled high, I'd upgraded the engine. So at about 2000 RPM when he popped the clutch, he peeled out of my garage and 40 feet in front of him was an eight inch concrete filled rebar reinforced block wall. The frame just buckle under the pressure of going through that block wall.

Speaker 1:

Now, when my handyman sat in that car, if he had known what was going to happen, he would have done things differently, right, he would have put his left foot on the clutch, he would have put his right foot on the brake pedal and he would have taken the car out of gear. Yes, can you start a manual transmission with it in gear? Absolutely, but you're taking chances when you do that. Had he known what was going to happen, he would have been more disciplined with his decisions. And what I want to challenge you?

Speaker 1:

This is where the whole downstream thing comes all right. Many of us are headed towards some type of disaster like that. It might not be that bad metaphorically speaking, but it's going to be some type of disaster because you're not doing things the right way, you're not rowing upstream. Here's the crazy thing is in the back of my head. Fortunately I was standing a little bit to the side and behind the car when he did this. If I'd been standing in front he might've killed me. If my kids had been out there playing, he could have killed them. But I remember him putting his right foot on the clutch and in my head just thinking like you're not supposed to do that, why don't you do it the right way? But I didn't say anything and the reality is, many of us we know the right things to do but we don't do them. We take the shortcut. We we just drift right. We're not even like like my handyman. He wasn't trying to cause this accident, he was just drifting downstream. Here you can see kind of the aftermath. Um, cosmetically the car looked okay because he ran into two garbage cans that were, which were went, went through the uh, the block wall, uh, but the car was totaled. And I tell people, uh, I paid $60,000 for a really cool story to tell and a video to show, so um.

Speaker 1:

So last year I wrote a book. It's called the seven disciplines of uncommon freedom, and I wrote the book because over the past 13 plus years my wife and I have really learned and implemented three habits and seven disciplines. And the first habit is to always row upstream. You see, 14 years ago I was drifting downstream in at least several areas of my life. My health wasn't great. I was in what I would call a state of non-sick. You see, I wasn't sick yet, but I was headed towards disease because my eating habits were horrible and, truthfully, my habits hadn't caught up to me yet. I'd already had one back surgery and, being overweight, I was headed towards a very likely second, maybe third, maybe fourth back surgery.

Speaker 1:

Financially we were getting by. We weren't in debt other than our mortgage, but we had no margin. We weren't saving towards retirement. We couldn't take any vacations just to get a break. I was a police officer at the time and financially I was working a tremendous amount of overtime, which meant that I was away from my kids and away from my family on a regular basis. And socially we hung out with a bunch of Christian you know Christian friends from church. But the reality is those friends, they were also drifting downstream. They weren't bad people. I'm not trying to bash them, but when I reflect, we were all going downstream together.

Speaker 1:

So over the last 13 plus years I've learned a lot of things. I've been blessed to have some amazing mentors. I've gotten healthy. My life has radically changed. I can honestly say that I'm thriving in every area of life. Now, that doesn't mean that life is perfect or without problems. But here's what I found Is it when you're thriving versus just surviving, the same problem that can wreck your life? When you're just surviving, you can handle much better. When you're thriving, all right, financially, that $500 car repair when you're barely surviving, when you're thriving, isn't a big deal, all right. Um, maybe you have an opportunity to go on a mission trip when you're barely surviving but you don't have the money to go and you have to go, ask other people to help you go, and there's nothing wrong with that. But when you're thriving and you're presented with an opportunity, you might not only say, yeah, I'm going, but I'm going to bring my family with me and I'm going to for it and I'm gonna help pay for some of the other people who are going on this trip. That's the difference between surviving and thriving.

Speaker 1:

The way that I define this concept of uncommon freedom is thriving in every area of your life so that you can reach your god-given potential and maximize your impact for God's kingdom here on earth. And one of the mistakes that many of us make and this is kind of falls into the prosperity gospel, and I'm grateful that this church doesn't preach like that is that we think that if we follow Jesus, achieving uncommon freedom is going to be easy. And I'm here to tell you that that's not the case. All right, it's not easy to row upstream, but what I can promise you is that it is worth it. Rowing upstream is worth it 100% of the time and it leads to peace.

Speaker 1:

So here's some Bible verses. John 16, 33 says I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace In the world. You will have tribulation that's rowing upstream, but take heart, I have overcome the world. In 2 Timothy, chapter 4, verses 5 and 7, they say as for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry, right I talked about. Reach your God-given potential. That is your ministry. I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. First Timothy 6, 11 through 12 says but as for you, o man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. Every one of these verses describes essentially what is rowing upstream.

Speaker 1:

So some of you might be motivated to row upstream merely to avoid disaster, but what I want to challenge you to do is to shift your perspective and not run from disaster, but pursue the amazing abundant life that god really attends for you and your family. So, as I wrap up, I want to do a quick little demonstration and since my boys are here, I'm going to ask my, my youngest son, dylan, to come on up here. All right, so we're definitely not friends right now, all right, all right. So, dylan, I want you to imagine that you're going to be the only guy who's rowing upstream right now. Okay, so pretend like you rowing. We don't do a lot of canoeing in our family Actually, we do none, but he's got to figure it out and all of you guys represent society, culture, sin, nature. You're all going downstream.

Speaker 1:

All right, no offense, but for the purposes of this illustration, dylan, do you feel a little awkward having all these downstream people looking at you? Keep rowing, come on, I know it's tiring, all right. And here's the thing when you're rowing upstream, all the downstream people are going to be calling out to you. They're like, why are you working so hard? What's your problem? There's going to be some and I have experienced this there's going to be some downstream people who not only make fun of you, but they're actually going to reach out and try to grab your canoe and flip you around and have you join them, because when you're going upstream, they don't like that. It's convicting. All right, you got to keep rowing, son. All right. Now, austin, come on up here. So I want you to stand next to Dylan and continue rowing. So I want you to stand next to Dylan and continue rowing. So, dylan, is it a little less awkward. Now You've got someone standing next to you, all right.

Speaker 1:

So the one thing that I haven't talked about yet is the importance of what I call running with lions. This is community, because when you row by yourself, eventually you're going to get tired, and, especially as men, we tend to run from community, we tend to run from accountability. We'd like to be mavericks, right? Love Top Gun. I mean, I could totally identify with that personality. I'm absolutely a maverick, but I have learned that I need to invite community into my life and I want that community to be other men that are rowing upstream.

Speaker 1:

Okay, because here's something else Keep rowing, guys is eventually life is going to happen to one of these people and ultimately, you don't want just one other person in your boat, you want a bunch of guys in your boat, okay, but eventually life is going to happen. You're going to get that cancer diagnosis, maybe something happens to one of your kids, all right. You get laid off from the job, something unexpected happens, and when that happens, you get tired, and sometimes you have to row a little bit slower, and sometimes you know what. You just can't keep rowing. And when you're in the boat by yourself and you stop rowing, it is only a matter of time until the current stops you and turns you around and you head downstream, which is the natural direction for every human being. But when you have a boat full of other men and other Christians that are rowing upstream, you can take a break and they've got your back. You're going to continue going upstream because you have that community. You guys can have a seat. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1:

So there's two things I want to leave with you. The first is that everything that God has for us is upstream and it's worth the effort to row upstream. And the second thing is you have to have other upstream people in your boat to keep going upstream when you hit the rapids of life. And I truly believe that if you make that commitment to row upstream versus taking the easy downstream route, the Lord will tell us when we meet him, like he does in Matthew 25, 21. Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little. I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of the master the joy of the master.

Speaker 2:

Uncommon freedom is a game changer, not only for the focused leader, but also for the rudderless sojourner seeking direction. When Kevin talks, I listen, I lean in and always leave a better man. As the wisdom of Proverbs 3.13 states, happy is the man who finds wisdom and the man who gains understanding. I want to warn you in advance to prepare your spirit for a heart and mind shift as you read this book. I have learned that conviction comes when the heart is open to change. As I read this book, I was moved on several occasions to evaluate my personal life and make course corrections. This isn't just a book. It's a manual for creating godly leaders who we desperately need today and especially as our children walk the earth in, whatever it looks like 10, 20, 30 years from now. Who knows that? We need leaders who embody these things? Because not only do we need people who are healthy and wealthy and have the right heart, but we need people who know where the spirit of the Lord is. There is freedom.

Speaker 1:

All right, friends. Please subscribe to the podcast for more insights on blending entrepreneurship and the entrepreneurial mindset with intentional living. You can follow us on social media. We are on Instagram, primarily, and Facebook, and you're going to find daily tips and inspiration from us there. You'll also find us on YouTube lots of shorts as well as our video podcast. And then please, if you enjoy this podcast, please leave us a five-star review and share us, and remember to subscribe on YouTube as well as whatever podcast platform you're listening to us on.