Uncommon Freedom
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Learn from inspiring guests who have made the decision to lead the life they want, instead of accepting the life they were given. Discover how to embrace the prosperity with a purpose, making an eternal impact to change your corner of the world. It’s time to design a life where you have the options to do what you want, when you want, and with who you want. That's Uncommon Freedom™.
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Uncommon Freedom
Miracles Still Happen: How Uncommon Community Saved Our Kids
Parenting teenagers can be an emotional rollercoaster. How do you stay the course when faced with unexpected challenges? In this deeply personal episode, Kevin and Bekah courageously share their recent struggles and victories in parenting their teens.
Drawing from their experiences, they discuss:
- The power of fully surrendering your children to God
- How community support can be a lifeline in difficult times
- Making tough parenting decisions and following through
- Finding unexpected blessings in the midst of trials
Kevin and Bekah offer an honest look at the realities of raising teens in today's world, including the impact of technology and outside influences. They share how their faith was tested and ultimately strengthened through recent family challenges.
Whether you're in the thick of the teen years or preparing for them, this episode offers hope, practical wisdom, and a reminder that you're not alone in the parenting journey. Join us for a conversation that will inspire you to parent with purpose, even when it's difficult.
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Hey Freedom Fighters, kevin Tinter here, welcome back to the Uncommon Freedom Show. Today I am once again joined by my beautiful and amazing co-host and wife of almost 26 years. In fact, by the time this airs, we might have celebrated our 26th anniversary. So, beck, happy anniversary.
Speaker 2:Thanks, babe, and what a joyful journey it has been overall. So, hey, everyone, it's great to be with you today. Yes, babe, I am so excited that we are celebrating 26 years of marriage and it really has been an incredible journey. So we feel passionate about helping people thrive physically, financially and in relationships, and so today we wanted to spend some time talking about the relational side of things, especially when it comes to your kids and helping them move forward in life by helping them get into rooms and spaces with people that will open their perspectives, that will broaden their horizons and also help them have deep roots. So let's talk about your recent trip. You just got back from an incredible trip with our oldest son, carson, who is 17, going on 18. And you guys went to Greece for like 10 days. So tell our listeners about that experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was an amazing, amazing experience. Basically, we got the invitation I don't know months ago and it was incredibly tempting when we got the invitation. But also, you know, as we talked about lifestyle design, you know when we received it, you have the opportunity, but you also have look at the cost, and not just financially, but just from a time standpoint, and it was a little bit challenging to figure out how we're going to make this work. Obviously, you and I going together would have been, in many ways, the ideal scenario, but you're doing your Brooke Thomas Mastermind this year, which is coming with at least three weeks of travel for yourself, away from us, away from the family. You're like I don't want to spend another week. It was actually. I was gone for about 12, 13 days actually.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of childcare for us to get it is yeah, so we have to use that very judiciously. In fact, the saying that comes to mind, babe, is you know, capability is not the same as capacity.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And we have used that a lot when talking about lifestyle design and how to, you know, combine business with family and how to create a quality lifestyle. And I think we're pretty good at weighing out what those things are and deciding yeah, I'm capable and we would have loved the time away together. It would have been a phenomenal trip for us. But I was saying, you know, I've been to Greece, I am going to Italy in September, and those are times we're going to be away from the kids, and what is the best decision for me it those are times we're going to be away from the kids and what is the best decision for me it's that you go with someone else. And then it was really neat to kind of say okay, carson is going into a senior year. You know, he's the next one up for a really special and one-on-one time with you, I think in this type of capacity and the oldest, so he's probably going to experience it the best and really just wanting him to have that one-on-one time with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and actually you know, around the time that we made the decision for Carson to join me, we were really in a very different spot relationally with our two oldest kids and we want to be very cautious about you know how many details we reveal, but we will share that the last year plus has been the hardest of our lives. Yeah, it was, and really the last probably six months have been well, the last couple months have been probably the best, so we've shared the stage of parenting.
Speaker 1:Yes, we've seen a major transformation, really a spiritual revival. Yeah, and just the almost a 180 in our kids and just almost a 180 in our kids and last night we enjoyed our double debt with.
Speaker 2:Carson, which stands for Deep Emotional Bonding Time. If you have not heard us talk about that before, we've been dating our kids for close to a decade, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we started it, Carson. I remember he was only about five years old when we kind of fell into this. I would take him out for a donut back when we lived in Oregon and I think donuts were 25 cents, maybe 50 cents back then. Inflation has kicked in, but it was. It was kind of like, oh, I'll take him out for a donut and I was like, oh, this is a really good thing, and we kind of formalized it from there.
Speaker 1:Correct. We formalized the dates and then started having you take, you know, the kids out.
Speaker 2:We rotated.
Speaker 1:Um, so yeah, so the date thing has been going on for probably 12 plus years and, uh, it was. You know, last night was just it was awesome, our best experience. It was it.
Speaker 2:We were reflecting on the fact that, with him, together, probably six times in the last two years or something, because we take them out well, yeah, they each get a double debt with us. Uh, at least four times a year and renamed debt from date, because teenagers at some point were like that's weird, I don't want to date my parents and we're like, okay, we understand so.
Speaker 1:But the truth is they do not want to miss.
Speaker 2:No, they ask us hey when am I getting my date this month or my debt this month? So we did rename it debt deep emotional bonding time, kind of as a joke. But the truth is that is our goal. It is our goal to have one-on-one conversation, eyeball to eyeball, tell us how life is going, what are your highlights, what's hard you know. What are you willing to share with us? We're here to listen.
Speaker 1:But last night was, it was so much fun I mean we just laughed and just to see the um, the, the healthy, you know, god-intended personality of our son come back was so rewarding. You know, as father, seeing my almost adult son, you know, reach over and just initiate a hug with you and just really enjoy your time together.
Speaker 2:Oh, and he sat in the booth with me, yeah, he didn't want to sit in the chair on the opposite side of the table. He was like move over, I'm coming in. And when you've had a season of just a dry spell in relationships, this could be in your marriage, this could be with your kids. Um, you, you miss the relational equity and you wonder if it will come back and if that is just lost for you and for us. We experienced like the return, I think, in this last season and it's been such a sweet I do not take one minute of it for granted when that that young man that almost grown up, basically, uh, you know, definitely taller than me, bigger than me, leaned over and squeezed me and gave me a hug, um, and just to see his, his adult banter, his sarcasm, and really it was like hanging with a good friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really was we really enjoyed our dinner together and we laughed and we teased and it's what parents told us was coming when your kids get to young adulthood. But we just had been in a really rough season and we just kept leaning in and saying we're not quitting on you, we're not going to stand by while things are not great, we're going to do what we need to do, as parents do the hard decisions, but we love you unconditionally. We're not going anywhere and we're your biggest fans.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, it was really cool when we are on this trip. Uh, one of my friends who I met on another John Maxwell trip last September, who is a friend but also a mentor his kids are a little bit younger than us, um, so we have this friendship, but also he has a ton of wisdom to pass on to me and we were talking on this trip and it was really fun having Carson around for many of these conversations. He's like you know, the best thing in the world is when your kids become your best friends. You know he was. Chris was telling me he's like I've got amazing friends but there's no one I would rather other than his wife. That you know. There's no one he'd rather play golf with than his boys, and his kids are older.
Speaker 2:You, I think you said younger, but you meant older they're younger than you and I they're older than our kids.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, they're there, so they're younger than us.
Speaker 1:So they're in their twenties and thirties basically Exactly, yeah, and maybe even a little bit older than I'm not sure, but, um, you know much further ahead in establishing their careers and with you know they're married and have kids. Um, but just really saying, you know, if you do things right and you invest in that relationship, uh, you know you have the potential. And I think one of the mistakes that a lot of parents make is they're trying to be their kid's best friend when they're not adults yet. And we have not made that mistake. We've made more than our fair share of parenting mistakes, but we've been very clear that you know, our goal is not to have happy kids, it's to raise successful, contributing adults, and if that's done, then we will hopefully become, you know, good friends.
Speaker 2:And even in some of our most painful parenting experiences, I think when we've been the most frustrated, the most angry I mean we've probably said things we regret. I remember thinking to myself I want to make sure my kids know that they are cherished because and that they are, they are so deeply loved and fiercely loved that that's where a lot of the angst comes from. And in fact, if you haven't parented the teenagers yet, you know get ready. But for me, I think the greatest lesson of parenting at this age because when they're little, there's a lot of needs but there's a lot of innocence. So the decisions that are made and the mistakes that are made are foolishness and childishness, where, when they're older, yes, it's still foolishness, but it's a lot more conscious decisions that are made. And so it makes you feel more personally tied to their decisions.
Speaker 2:And I think what has been really powerful is to say gosh, if the God of heaven can love me unconditionally, with all of my sin and imperfections and repeated mistakes and failures, you know how much. It's just very easy for me to see my father in heaven as a loving father, because I know that we love our kids so fiercely, even when they've been the biggest pain in the butt, even when they've disappointed us beyond what we could have imagined, um that we love them so fiercely, and I think it just connects me back to how how much the heavenly father loves me so but this is a sweet spot, yeah, and one of the other things that we were talking about is, you know, we we had several double debts or you know, single debts with our older kids last year.
Speaker 1:We're like, okay, we're just doing this because we're hanging in there. We're, we're, we're doing it partly out of you know, it was the commitment and sometimes, like you, do things yeah yeah, you do things because you make the investment and, honestly, some of the debts they were like they weren't fun no, we're dealing with grouchy kids yeah, like what's the point?
Speaker 1:why are we spending two hundred dollars on, you know, a nice meal with our, our child, when they're, you know, giving us? You know gorilla grunts, you know guerrilla grunts, you know, for communication, yeah, but you're sowing seeds into the relationship, right?
Speaker 2:And we have seen the fruit this last season. And for those of you still going through the really hard times, I would say you know, be faithful, Don't lose heart. We had a lot of people come alongside us and say you're going to make it, it's going to be okay and sorry you know, just keep going.
Speaker 2:And there were some really hard times where you feel like you're losing your kids and that you're not ever going to see the best in them. And we just walked in faith because you know God promises that if we're faithful, um, that the story's not unwritten. And the other thing that I really learned, gosh, we didn't think we're going to that the story's not unwritten. And the other thing that I really learned, gosh, we didn't think we're going to go this direction.
Speaker 1:Yeah, these are the most enjoyable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know if I read it in a book or someone said it to me, but it was don't interrupt the story that God is writing for them.
Speaker 2:And that is very difficult as a parent, because as a mom I can just tell you my deepest desire is to protect and nurture. So I don't want to see, I don't want to see a skinned knee, I don't want to see any injuries. You know I I've never been one to baby, our boys especially, but I still, like, my gut gets punched when they're injured or hurt and it feels hard to let them walk through the painful seasons. But it was really important because we just can't control it all, and so it was almost taking away my sanity at times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I, you know we talk about helping people thrive physically, financially, in the relationships. One of the things we want to encourage you is when, when the seas are calm, work your butt off to build the business. That will give you uncommon freedom to steward your finances, finances wisely, to give you the margin because the storms will come and when the storms come you're going to have to pull back because we could have made the decision, say, you know what, whatever kids, whatever happens, happens. We got to grow this business and instead we were able to actually prioritize what needed to be prioritized at that moment by investing financially and from a time standpoint into our kids. And you know this, we're going a total different direction than we had intended with this. But you know what? I think that there's other people out there that need to hear this and you know what. We we have shared this with people personally, but not on a broad scale.
Speaker 1:But we came to a point where we had warned at least one of our kids that if certain behaviors continued, that we would have to take some drastic measures, including aborting school. And we got to the point where, basically, they forced our hand in it and we had to look at each other and say, really, we already made the decision. The question is are we going to follow through with our commitment? As far as what's going to happen? And it was the most difficult decision we ever had to make we did it on our fourth quarter retreat of 2023. Uh, it was the most miserable retreat we've ever had. We cried, we cried, we cried, but we came to a point where, like Abraham, we said, god, this is the right thing to do. And this is when Abraham you know God told him hey, I want you to sacrifice your son Isaac to me. And Abraham marched him up the mountain put him on the altar.
Speaker 2:Very clearly, we both got the same vision, and separately, without discussing it. This is us walking Isaac up the mountain, knowing it was in obedience to what was needed. It was not what we wanted to do.
Speaker 1:It was horrible. It was so far from us this is all going down right before Christmas folks. Yeah, and we made the decision, and I mean we could write a whole book about this. But you know, part of the huge reason that we have transformation in our kids is because of influences.
Speaker 1:And our friends, will and Amanda, and their entire amazing community of the Garden and Bakersfield, the Garden Church and Bakersfield and the people that they associate with. But, folks, this is why community is so important, right? This is why community is so important, right? Is that God used these people who you know the kid? We connected with Amanda through business, but that's not the primary like. That's not what our relationship is about. Our relationship is really about friendship, and God used business as a vehicle to make the connection, especially for our kids, to will um and to really open their door to a whole new community. But we, it's just. This is why getting in other rooms is so important Running with lions, not just in business, but running with lions in every area of life. Will is a spiritual lion and he connects with our kids in a very special way, and it's important for all of our kids to have those spiritual lions that they will connect with and not be just you. So anyways.
Speaker 2:Well, actually I want to. I want to go back in time actually, since we did, since we ended up this direction. I really want to go back in time and talk about what happened to me in November of last year, which was you know you talk about getting in different rooms I had joined this mastermind for both spiritual and business development. I really dedicated myself to showing up to it this year. I had enjoyed it last year but kind of got a little bit out of it, only put a little bit of time into it. My faith did grow, which was amazing, and in it I learned to walk and talk with Jesus much more carefully.
Speaker 2:And then I went to this November retreat, or an in-person event actually, and I knew that I wanted to get baptized in the Pacific ocean.
Speaker 2:You know, um Brooke Thomas talks about, you know, the Pacific ocean. The waters touch all the other continents and all the other waters, so it's just got this spiritual significance and I thought that's amazing. I want to do that for our business, I want to do that for my life and I really felt called to do it. So I was going into it already prepared, when I had gone to a previous event a lot of my friends had gotten baptized and I was like and I'm saying re-baptized I've been baptized before and I didn't feel like I had to. It was more of just, people were doing it the time before and I was like that's wonderful for them. I do not feel called to do it, but this time I thought I really do. I want to rededicate just this season of life with Jesus and the way my relationship has been with him. But we were worshiping before we went down and during worship I felt so distinctly told.
Speaker 1:Had we made our decision at this point.
Speaker 2:No, this was before. I mean, we had been talking about it and really you had been saying we're going to have to do something and I was saying I can't. I really I think I was saying I can't do this. I know it's the right thing, but I can't yield. And so I basically, you know, I went to the retreat and I went to worship and it was interesting that God so very clearly said to me surrender.
Speaker 2:And I don't know if any of you have needed to surrender, or maybe you do need to surrender, but it was one of those I was like well, of course, god, I'll surrender, like I love you, I believe in you. But no, clearly he said to me in the middle of worship that day I want you to surrender your children to me completely. And it was kind of the one area I was unwilling. It was like I was holding on I'll give you 80%, god, but not the 20%, because the 20% means I don't know how it's going to end. I have no control over it, I'm scared. And just so clearly during worship he said give me all of it, give me all of them. And it was like he loves them more than I do. So I on my face, just full out surrender, not understanding what was coming. I laid them down, I got baptized. It was a very joyful time for me. I was actually like this is amazing, I love Jesus.
Speaker 2:I submitted, you know, surrendered my kids, and I came home and you know, we went through the rest of our season in November it wasn't great, december wasn't great, and we got to this point of decision and as painful and as hard as it was, now in hindsight I can look back and be and tell, tell myself and and let God remind me that, um, you know, breakthrough for breakthrough to happen, you guys, sometimes we have to go first. Sometimes, as a leader, you have to go first. As a parent, you have to go first. As a spouse, you have to go first. And it wasn't like Kevin wasn't leading our home, but for me, I was holding us up because I, my children, are of my top three. I mean it's God, kevin and my kids, like in that order. But I fiercely love these kids and I just was like I can't do it, you know. But once I did, the decision was extremely painful, but I knew God was with us. Who?
Speaker 1:captured that photo, cause the photo that you shared um in one of our uh, I think our Arizona freedom crew thread think jeff and ashlyn actually were there taking okay, because that they photographed my baptism. Yeah, um, it wasn't it wasn't a posed photo, but the look of surrender on your face is very evident yeah, I was full out in worship.
Speaker 2:I was, you know, there's probably another picture out there, but definitely on my knees with jesus after that picture and then just the joyousness of, you know, coming up out of the water and feeling like I just had given God another piece that I hadn't given him yet. So I think there's a lot of us that you know we've surrendered to God certain things, but we haven't really given him all the parts. You know it might be maybe you're holding back your business, maybe you're holding back your marriage, maybe you're holding back a relationship, and I can tell you there is a sweet, sweet part of obedience, and we don't always feel it immediately, but it is just that complete trust in the Lord.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so December of 2023,. Basically, we had made the decision that our two of our boys were actually going to go to a boarding school very difficult decision yeah, and it was for 12 months, I think.
Speaker 2:If it was like, hey, somebody needs a wake-up call for six weeks, it would have been like, okay, this is necessary, it's important. But as a parent because this really affected both of us very similarly and you're far less emotional than I am yeah, um, it was gut, gut wrenching. Yeah so 50% of our family being gone for a year.
Speaker 1:We. This was, you know, for us, this was like Abraham putting Isaac on the altar saying God. This doesn't make any sense to me, but I know it's what you're calling us to do. I've got my monthly poker game. Our dear Will, who is an amazing, special mentor and friend to our boys, who lives in Bakersfield, an eight-hour drive away, loves poker. Had played with me one other time when he happened to be in town and is always like I want to be there, I want to be there, I want to be there. Folks, this is how God works miracles. This is a real-life miracle for us, because when I share the sequence of events that I'm about to share folks, there is no explanation like this is miraculous. Is trump turning his head at the right moment? So poker is scheduled less than a week before we're supposed to fly our kids to the boarding school.
Speaker 2:They they don't even know they're going.
Speaker 1:They don't even know they're going, because the advice from the boarding school is don't tell your kids, quite possibly until you show up, which we weren't going to do, we didn't know, but we didn't know how to tell her really struggling with when and how. Yeah, it was my greatest, it was horrible.
Speaker 1:My greatest prayer was that they not feel sent away but then understand that the pain of this decision was because of how much we loved them. Yeah, so we're dealing with this, it's, we're staring down the barrel of this gun. You know our our scheduled delivery date is a couple of days before Christmas, because we're either going to miss Christmas with them this year or, you know, or in 23, or in 24, possibly both, and there was just no way for us to enjoy Christmas knowing that. You know we're what was coming down.
Speaker 2:The pipe and I know parents have walked through even more difficult things, oh, absolutely. Losing children, having children with cancer. So we want to put this in perspective. But you know, outside of those really severe cases, I want just any mom especially to picture what I was imagining was packing my kids' stockings and sending them away.
Speaker 2:It was horrible and you buy your kids' stockings when they're babies in your tummy and you think, like this is their first stocking and you know, in our family they have those pretty much the rest of their lives. I'm still using one that my aunt knit me years ago and, um, it was symbolic of, like I, I didn't have these dreams for my kids that I would be sending them away with these stockings. When I bought these stockings, and what does this really represent and what is you know what is next for our kids? It just felt so painful. And then we were at our house and you know we'd made the decision but we hadn't told them yet.
Speaker 2:And it's like you know, if you have any traditions in your home, we do, and Christmas is a really fun time for the kids and I. We always make a list of things to do and we try to hit everything on the list and it's always about baking and experiences. And they were coming home and saying 10 more days of school and when we're going to do this and then we're going to do that, and I mean every time they would say something. I would just have to turn around and just sob and then dry my eyes and try to pretend like nothing was going on and it was. It was horrible.
Speaker 2:I remember going in our bathroom and just the way I describe it is. At that point and again, I know it would be much worse if there was something wrong with their health or we had lost them permanently but it was like taking a breath. I needed God to help me breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out, because every moment I was thinking about it and it just it.
Speaker 1:It was breaking my heart and once again, you know, this gives us a perspective what it was like for Abraham right, you think it was a fun hike up the mountain with Isaac.
Speaker 2:I never put my myself in his shoes before this yeah, but no, it had to be agonizing.
Speaker 1:And then every step you get closer, like the fear and the pain and the anguish has to increase.
Speaker 2:It's really difficult because we always knew the end of the story, you know, and he didn't at the time. He knew god was faithful. We take for granted we knew the end of the story. So we're like, yeah, he hiked up the mountain and he got his ram if he knew the end of the story.
Speaker 1:So we're like, yeah, he hiked up the mountain and he got his ram If he knew the end of the story. It takes no faith, it's easy to obey when you know the end of the story. And this is where we were. We're not trying to say we're spiritual giants, we just want to share this with you. And once again, I want to share this modern miracle with you, because a lot of times we look for the miraculous healing and things like that. And miraculous healing and things like that, and what I'm about to share with you, like this sequence of events, is an absolute miracle. So we've got our kids delivery date scheduled.
Speaker 1:Will decides to finally show up for poker, and this is less than a week before delivery date, and so that's miracle number one. Miracle number two is December was a packed house. I had, I think, 30 guys and we played tournament style. So to be at the final table you're going to, you know you're top 10 out of 30, which is pretty good. To win is really good, and you know poker it's a combination of skill. I'm not sure Will ever gave God the glory for this one, but it might have been a God miracle.
Speaker 2:Exactly Not that he's not a good poker player.
Speaker 1:But so Will ends up winning the game, which perfectly set it up. As the host, I'm always there until the end, even if I'm not the winner or at the final table, and this was a. I mean, it was a. We just had a great time. It was a lot of guys, you know, kind of the Christmas spirit, other than what we knew we were dealing. No, I didn't. It was the following month. Will came back, um, but uh, had a blast and it's about two o'clock in the morning. Will won. We're finalizing cleanup and I said hey, will, I got to tell you something and I only shared it with him because I know he's close to the kids and it was the opportunity. Probably and had he not been there, I wouldn't have given him that.
Speaker 2:We would have never given him that. It it was like they cared about our kids. This yeah.
Speaker 1:So this is God's absolute providence, this is the miracle that he drove eight hours from Bakersfield to come to the game happened to win, because had well not won, he would have been in bed and we wouldn't have had the conversation. So I was like hey, gotta tell you something. I told him what we were thinking like the boys are going to a boarding school next week and he immediately just had this almost visceral reaction. He's like you gotta let me do something, you gotta let me have a chance at them. First I was like well, I don't know what that looks like. I was like you're welcome to present something to us, but Beck and I have made the decision. It was the hardest decision we've ever had to make.
Speaker 1:It's been agonizing and what we don't want to do is to postpone it yeah uh, to have to do it again, like we just got to get like a band-aid, we just got to rip it right off, um, and so it was. I think by the time he and I finished our discussion was about four o'clock in the morning. I go to bed, um, and I'm up at 9 o'clock. See Will, and he's been up for an additional couple of hours calling his wife, talking to people back in Bakersfield which is why we love Bakersfield. It's a special place and it has played a transformative role in the lives of our older two boys. But by the morning he had a plan in place to basically create a three-month internship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, basically, and it was intentional about hard work, mentorship with other Christian men, just involving them in the amazing youth group. And you know what our kids shared with us. It's special about the garden the gardens youth group is that it's not about fun, it's about Jesus. And they've had other youth group experiences and we love the youth group that our kids go to, currently at Compassion. But my challenge to everyone who's out there in ministry is what is the focus, especially if it's youth ministry? Is your focus fun? Is it video games and music and dancing and blah, blah, blah food, or is it actually Jesus? Because what our kids shared with us is that the youth group at the garden was about Jesus. It wasn't about games. They had fun, but it was about Jesus.
Speaker 2:So, anyways, and they and they would have put off youth group if they weren't forced.
Speaker 1:So just to be clear.
Speaker 2:You could have an amazing experience and our kids would not have it, would not have seen Jesus in it, but they were ready. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so bottom line there's's. There's lots of other decisions and, you know, some hiccups along the way, um, but the three months that our kids spent in bakersfield, um, and and shout out to amanda, yeah I mean will, and amanda invited our three boys, or our two boys, into their house to live with them.
Speaker 1:well, well, amanda already have four boys at the time, age 10 and under, so an unbelievable sacrifice, just absolutely. You know saints, you know spiritual heroes in our book. You know our boys will be a part of their legacy. You know they have absolutely, and not just them, but the entire community, and this is it was one of the things our kids learned is that influences are really important and that having solid you know, if you're a boy, having solid men around you is so important because a lot of the people that they interacted with have come out of recovery. They've had some unbelievable experiences that would make just amazing, exciting movies that you might not even let your kids watch.
Speaker 2:And we knew part of our decision was to remove our kids from their current sphere of influence Comfort zone we had tried conversation, mentorship, consequences.
Speaker 2:You know incentivizing we had just tried all the things we could think of relationally. So it wasn't like you know, incentivizing, we had just tried all the things we could think of relationally. So it wasn't like you know, one or two issues and see you later. But we had gotten to the place where we were like this is a big enough deal to us that we are going to pivot your lifestyle because we have a choice right now. When you're an adult, we won't be able to do that for you anymore, but we're going to make a giant pivot for you and shift your world, to let you know how much we love you and how serious we are about the direction you're headed.
Speaker 1:And one other word of caution to parents. I mean we're huge fans of Christian education, we're grateful for the private school that our kids are able to go to. We really caution every parent, especially if you're a person of faith, if you're sending your kids to a public school, be very cautious, be very diligent and be very involved, because the curriculum is subversive and it's intentionally designed to destroy your child's faith, to destroy their identity as a naturally born boy or girl.
Speaker 2:And to separate parents and kids Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. There's incredible teachers out there right.
Speaker 1:But the system really is is not healthy. But the flip side is a lot of parents think, oh, I'm sending my kids to a Christian school, they're good, and most of the really bad things that our kids got into they got into from Christian school influences. And so we want to encourage all of you don't be naive, don't assume that just because your kids are going to a Christian school, that the kids that they're hanging out with are great, that the parents of the kids that your kids are hanging out with are good. You've got to be involved, you have to be diligent.
Speaker 2:And one of the most profound things that a friend who has kids the same age as us and she teaches in the private school that our kids go to is. She said you know, with Christian school, kids can be drowning or they can be thirsty. And we have just I've been aware of that for the last few years that you know you go to Christian school, you have chapel, you have Bible teachers, you have, you know, christian influences. Then you also go to church, you're raised in a Christian home and a lot of these kids, they can feel like they're just drowning, like, okay, I get it, jesus is everywhere, jesus is the, you know, the answer to all the things and he is.
Speaker 2:But the difference is thirsty is a desire, a desire to know Jesus more, to see him as a real person, not just a class that you go to.
Speaker 2:And so our kids are in Christian school, most of them, because we do believe in it. But it's just a really good awareness as a parent that you want to create the thirsty environments and you want to talk about that with your kids. Because even as adults we can feel that way. We can feel just drowning, like it's apathetic, or we can feel thirsty, which I think is the transition that happened for me last year was like I've been a Christian most of my life, I love Jesus, but it's just been okay. And then last year it was like no, I want to learn to walk and talk with him. I want him to help me breathe every day and celebrate the good things and talk about the little things, and I want to hunger and thirst for him in a way that I haven't before. It's still very much a journey, but I also feel like I've up-leveled my faith journey by starting to have that perspective and it's been really life-changing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we individually realized like we had this perspective or vision of God, provided Bakersfield, Will and Amanda as the lamb that came out of the thicket.
Speaker 2:The ram.
Speaker 1:The ram, Like God provided for Abraham. Yeah, and it wasn't until he had Isaac on the altar he'd made the hike up the mountain. Yeah, and it was really the same thing for Abraham. And it wasn't until he had Isaac on the altar he'd made the hike up the mountain. And it was really the same thing for us. It wasn't until we made the decision. We followed through in obedience, knowing like we'd made the decision, like we had told our kids this is what will happen if certain behaviors continue. And we made that commitment to each other, knowing that it was gonna be a very difficult decision to make and it required us to follow through. And so, parents, you know, if you're going through things, follow through, don't be soft.
Speaker 2:Our kids did tell us they didn't really think we would do it which is fair, because it's like the hardest thing we've ever done, yeah, but I think most parents won't do stuff like that or something equivalent and therefore they potentially could be reaping the repercussions of that. And you know, we didn't know. There was no guarantee we go this route and our kids have a life change, but we knew that the direction they were on wasn't great and, um, I think it's just a beautiful picture. What was even more fun than you and I each having an individual vision of Bakersfield being the Ram and the thicket, and, as I shared it with you and you're like, I had the same vision and it's like so cool that God connects the dots.
Speaker 2:But to be able to say to our kids do you understand how deeply loved you are by God, that God chased you down? I mean, he's not gonna force himself on you, but he will chase you down. He chased you down through this experience and this experience going way back to 2020.
Speaker 1:He knocks on the door.
Speaker 2:We met Will and Amanda in 2020, in the middle of the pandemic, when we hosted a cool coaching event, and it was just a casual interaction of throwing the football, and we had no idea that what started in 2020 was going to be desperately necessary and life-saving to our family in 24. And so to just to say to these young men do you understand that how God orchestrated connections? Because he loves you so much and he loves us, you guys, because for us we didn't want to make that decision, and he actually gave us the opportunity to still create change for you in a way that was healthier, more loving, more kind, more merciful. I don't know what the words are, but you know, like that's how much my God loves me, but as a mom, I didn't have to walk that out are.
Speaker 1:But you know, like that's how much my god loves me, that as a mom, I didn't have to walk that out. And for our kids, who were affected by this and influenced by it, for them to say realize to have this, discuss this discussion with them, and for them to realize, wow, this was a huge sacrifice for will and amanda, like, yeah, they, like our kids, understand that it wasn't easy for Will and Amanda to say yes to this. They also understood, as we've unpacked all of the little details that went into this, that this was a miracle. So I don't remember how old I was when I first experienced, when I realized I had experienced a real miracle. But our kids were what? 16 and 15. And they realize that all of the events that led up to where they're at right now was a series of miracles. We're incredibly grateful for it and the testimony has been shared. So it's cool, I mean again we want to.
Speaker 2:We want to be considerate because, listen, we all have stuff, every family has stuff, every person has stuff and we keep sharing that with them too, like we've had failures and missteps and big mistakes that have cost us, you know, significantly at different seasons. But so we definitely have a different position on parenting than we probably did when our kids were little. I think the saying is like I was an amazing parent until I became one, or until I parented a teenager, which is definitely where we fall. But so we have great grace and understanding for other families that are walking through difficult seasons. But just to really allow other people to see God's faithfulness in this, because it has given us incredible hope, and I believe that it will give incredible hope to anyone who understands the power of prayer, surrender and just making the big pivot with God.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we've shared. You know, 13 years ago, our coaches, our mentors in our business, Doug and Tia they made a simple offer, you know you wanted to go to convention, I didn't. Doug said hey, they made a simple offer. You wanted to go to convention, I didn't. Doug said hey, if Kevin will go, we'll cover his registration, and I think it was $99, maybe $200. I think it was only $99.
Speaker 1:Pretty minimal investment, more than you were willing to spend, more than I was willing to spend. And it was the decision maker, it was the deciding factor for me to finally say okay, we'll go. And ever since then we've said Doug and Tia were like you don't pay us back, you pay it forward. That's what Dave Ramsey says when people call into his show and he gifts them Financial Peace University. He's like don't pay me back, pay it forward. And we encourage all of you, when you receive a gift like this and we've we've had this discussion like the the thought of taking in two kids and incorporating them into our life down the road, if God calls us to do it, is at the very bottom of our list. In all honesty, we don't like to be inconvenienced that way.
Speaker 2:It is not our gift. It is going to put, put, it is going to stretch us way outside of our comfort zone in a way, that's we're more equipped exactly but just plugging you.
Speaker 1:Plugging that for you, lord the bottom line is when you've received a gift like this, please have your eyes wide open on how you can pay it forward. So that's so good um, will and Amanda.
Speaker 1:We didn't intend to go down this road, but we're so grateful to you guys for the eternal impact you've had in the lives of our kids and the stone that you cast into the lake of life that will ripple and impact who knows how many people. And for all of you out there listening, please leave us a comment, send us a message. Let us know how we can pray for you. Let's encourage each other. Stop putting on the mask that you're a perfect parent. We're not. We love our kids, but God will provide a way. And if you don't have community? This is why community is so important.
Speaker 2:That's so good.
Speaker 1:It's so important.
Speaker 2:In closing, you know, there's a few times just a few, in the last season of parenting where I've thought to myself I really wish I wasn't parenting in this season, because it's really difficult. I mean, it's different than we were raised. There's technology which opens up the door to a massive amount of information and dangers for our kids, and I've thought to myself I wish I wasn't parenting kids in this age, basically. But then I've been so clearly reminded that God just doesn't make mistakes. So I was born in 77 to be 47 years old.
Speaker 1:You're that old, so am.
Speaker 2:I Okay To parent kids at this age, during this age.
Speaker 1:For such a time as this. For such a time as this.
Speaker 2:And I am just so clearly called for this next generation and our kids, the stuff they've walked through, the stuff they're thriving from now, the things they're going to walk through in the future. They are distinctly designed to be this next generation, to, I believe, lead and empower. And there are so many kids out there like this that just need to be led well, they need to be empowered, they need to be prayed into, they need to be spoken life into and they need to be held accountable, because we're going to need these kids in the next generation, and I'm so incredibly proud of the boys and daughter that we have. But we don't take it lightly. I no longer look at it like, oh, why do we have to parent during the age of technology? It's like, yeah, it, it sucks, but we were designed for this. God gave those kids to us at this age because he trusted us.
Speaker 2:It didn't surprise him, he knew they were going to need us as parents completely.
Speaker 1:We're going to need them as kids. I mean completely flawed.
Speaker 2:Uh, but for whatever he has next and this, the assignment has not been easy, um, but I do believe it will be worthwhile, yeah.
Speaker 1:So hey, friends, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a little bit longer podcast than normal. This was absolutely like a spirit-led type of podcast.
Speaker 1:I believe that there's at least one family out there that needs this message. You need the encouragement. You're probably facing a crossroads, a fork in the road of what do we need to do, and I want to challenge you search your heart, pray, and if God is calling you to do something difficult, do it. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Do something uncommon yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know what's going to happen, and we were prepared to send our kids away for a whole year and I don't want people to think, if you make the difficult decision, that you know a will and your version of will and a man are going to show up. I don't know, but I know god will show up somehow and and so just let us know how we can pray for you. Like we don't say that lightly, we really want to to be in prayer for you, and you know that Satan is after our kids and we need to stand together. So be uncommon in your parenting and in your relationships. We'll see you next time. Take care.